Being an only child

Being an only Child

Only children are often stigmatized. When asked to describe personality characteristics of an only child, many people will respond negatively, indicating the presupposition that only children are spoiled brats. Because only children lack siblings, they lose the immediate availability of others near their own age with whom to interact socially. In order to develop normal social skills, only children must be exposed to other children of the same age through other means. For example, play groups can be valuable for the learning of social skills. However, only children must work to win friends because they have no guaranteed familial playmates.

As children, most "onlies" wanted more children to play with and were fascinated by larger families. Very few rebelled in their teenage years.

The intensity of the child/parent relationship, its potential invasiveness and lack of privacy has often led to feelings being locked inside.

As adults, many have difficulty now expressing deep feelings in close relationships. Despite the independent image, they are still emotionally dependent on parents, or their memory.

Treatments

You may want to firstly speak to a friend or relative you trust and respect, and who is a good listener. They may be an only child themselves or know someone else who is and has similar difficulties.

You may benefit from talking to a UKCP accredited psychotherapist outside your usual circle of friends and family. Psychotherapy is a working relationship in which you are helped to explore and manage what is happening in your life. Key aims are to help you understand and control your anxieties and to find better ways of dealing with life’s continuing challenges. Examples include: integrative and cognitive behavioural therapy.

Some people find it easier to join a group with others who have similar problems. This means you gain valuable experience and feedback in a supportive confidential environment. Groups often focus on themes such as anxiety, panic, relationship and employment difficulties.

Self help tools can enable you to continue to function more effectively and confidently. For example, teach yourself books and DVDs. (see http://www.beinganonly.com/beinganonly)